I get asked by woman about various marital and relationship questions and how to handle certain situations that crop up. Within the last several years of counseling, interviewing, and consulting women on various topics there is one topic that seems to be cropping up more and more so I decided to discuss this today- "Why doesn't my husband show me love and affection and why do I feel so unloved"?
Let me begin by saying I have been there and know how you feel, however I no longer feel that way anymore. So what changed you ask? Actually I changed! I know you might already be thinking "why should I change? Why can't he change?" Let me explain, but first a little background-
I grew up in a very loving, close-knit family. There was never a day that went by that I was not told "I love you". My family believed in hugs and being compassionate and sensitive to other people's feelings. To this day I have instilled these values on my own children and now as they have grown I have seen them be compassionate and loving to others.
When I met my husband he was very laid back and easy going. He worked hard and often worked 6-7 days a week at his job often 12+ hours a day, so when he got a day off he was thankful and we planned outings alot. He was always surprising me with gifts all the time which I never expected and that was one of the ways he showed love. It wasn't about the money and so when we married, close to 20 plus years, it took me some adjusting to being showered with surprise gifts and I quickly learned that was his main way to express his love. He also would call, leave me messages at work on my cell phone just to say hello and he loved me. He knew I appreciated and never expected gifts for what meant the most was his calls and messages and looking forward to spending time with him is what mattered to me.
My husband decided into our 4th year of marriage to start his own company and we prayed about if for our son was 3 years old and we would be losing 401k, insurance benefits, etc. if he decided to quit his job of 10 years and start out as a new business owner. We prayed and God showed us the answer and so my husband has been self employed the last 16 years and God has blessed us by allowing us to help a lot of great people. Many people seem to think being self employed is glamorous, well let me tell you it is not. Alot of stress comes with being self employed and it is not a 8am to 5pm job! It causes you to age and alot of grey hairs! So why am I telling you all of this? So you can understand some background to get the ultimate message.
As my husband'a business grew, he no longer was the calm and easy going hubby.
He became stressed, short-tempered and the work didn't stop at 5pm and he often had little sleep. He stayed tired and the boys and I supported him and helped him as much as we could in the business. No longer was I hearing from my husband during the day- no calls, texts, etc. I missed that. As the years went by I noticed my husband spent more time in his office than with me and the boys. He was continuously on the phone with friends, customers, etc and somedays we would just beg him to sit down and spend time with us, even if it meant going out to eat where we could all sit down together. In the past couple of years i began to feel sad and lonely for I missed my husband. We could be under the same roof and still in the same house and the boys and I would talk, watch movies and have fun, all while my husband would be on his computer or watching certain tv shows he liked at night down stairs. I felt sad, I didn't care that he had not surprised me with messages, calls or gifts anymore, I just missed my husband and felt alone and unloved. I thought I had become unlovable. My self esteem was going down and when I tried talking to my husband about it, he was either too busy or said he just needed more sleep. When he came home everyday he would go straight into his office and then eat supper an go outside and stay on the phone for sometimes hours while I spent time with the boys- they are grown now and I know they don't want mom hanging out with them all the time!
I felt my sadness start to go into depression and I prayed that God would mend my sad and broken heart as my husband would get angry very quickly now and was not the laid back man I married. There would be times his words were harsh and would cut like a knife and all his main focus was to make more money. I worked and I also supported him in his business but I prayed, "God I'm so tired of walking on eggshells and feel so lonely, please help change him."
There was a change that happened but it was not to him, but God changed me. As I walked closer to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and stayed in His Word, I saw that I was not sad and lonely anymore for what I was looking for in my husband, only Jesus could give me. Jesus satisfied my heart and soul and I grew leaps and bounds in the Lord. No longer were the days of me being sad and wondering why I was ignored or not good enough. God changed me and one night God revealed something so special to my heart. He said, "Step out of the way and put all your trust in me and I will make all things new. You have stood in my way and tried to do things on your on and if you would step aside please and get out of my way , I can then work on your husband's heart."
I realized then I had to change first and strengthen my walk with Christ even more and once I was in alignment with Christ, I had to obey and step aside and quit covering for my husband and allow God to teach him and to work with him.
It wasn't long after that when my husband collapsed on the job and was rushed to the ER and had developed a condition that requires him to take medication the rest of his life for his body to function properly. It was a wake-up call from God and he knew then life was too precious to take for granted.
The road may not always be easy but his walk with God has strengthened and he is more away today how precious life is. No I don't miss the surprise gifts, those days are gone and I know he is busy and understand when he doesn't call or text me for I am happy to know that God is my strength and my hope is in HIM and not man. Since my husband's near brush with death he realized that life is too short to focus on money 24/7.
God changed his heart and temper but it took me changing first.
Some call me "Angel", some call me "The Jesus Lady", some call me "Pastor T" and "Sunshine" and some call me "Jesus Freak", but God calls me "His". I devoted my life to Christ many years ago and asked God to place me where ever He needs me to be and to use me so that others may come to know Him. Follow me through my journey as an Earth Angel as I go through the various assignments God has chosen for me and the wonderful Blessings along the way! It has been quite a adventure!
Saturday, April 2, 2016
God Will Equip Who He has Called
So God called you for a purpose- ministry, helping the homeless, music ministry, missionary, hospice volunteer, helping lead many souls to Christ. You wonder how God can use you? You may not even know how to start and what you can do. Sometimes it is just being there for others-
God has put many ministering angels along your journey in life. Allow me to tell you about one that came into my son's life a week ago:
My oldest son has suffered from depression and alcoholism. He is an alcoholic and attempted to end his life by hanging himself 3 weeks ago. My earthly father felt the promoting of the Holy Spirit to go outside and check on him, find him hanging from the rafters of the garage and lifeless. He cut him down, got the noose from around his next and starting working to revive him and praying over him. He had no pulse and he kept on and finally my son started the gasp and breathe. This was the 4th time God spared his life. My son had relapsed from 30 days in rehab and had been sober for 70 days. He was heavily in the occult and the demons had him strongly. It was spiritual warfare and they wanted him dead and God said no! As he was put into the hospital for involuntary commitment, he was sent to a state hospital and there he got down on his knees and asked Jesus to save him. He knew his life had a purpose and at 26 years old he knew he could not continue the road he was on for it was torment daily and he couldn't sleep due to the demons that tormented him. I could not see him but for an hour a week and each time for visitation, it was required all visitors be there for 2 hours to take a mandatory class prior to the hour visitation. Sadly out of hundreds of patients only 2 visitors came to see a patient, I included. Very sad for it was coming upon Easter and many patients looked out of the windows through the bars to see if anyone would come visit them.
One man I had never met showed up for Easter to visit the son of one of his friends that could not be there and since it was Easter, this man came to visit seine he never met and to minister to him and encourage and lead him down the path to Jesus. This my friends, takes a sacrifice to give your to give up your Easter Day to spend it with someone you don't know but care enough about the persons heart and soul to be there. This man also not only ministered to this young man he came to see but also to my oldest son. That my friends is a servant's heart!
God sends the people we need at the right time to help us. God has placed you here for a purpose. Ask God to help you fulfill your purpose and He will. God is looking for men and women that He can use to reach others.
God has put many ministering angels along your journey in life. Allow me to tell you about one that came into my son's life a week ago:
My oldest son has suffered from depression and alcoholism. He is an alcoholic and attempted to end his life by hanging himself 3 weeks ago. My earthly father felt the promoting of the Holy Spirit to go outside and check on him, find him hanging from the rafters of the garage and lifeless. He cut him down, got the noose from around his next and starting working to revive him and praying over him. He had no pulse and he kept on and finally my son started the gasp and breathe. This was the 4th time God spared his life. My son had relapsed from 30 days in rehab and had been sober for 70 days. He was heavily in the occult and the demons had him strongly. It was spiritual warfare and they wanted him dead and God said no! As he was put into the hospital for involuntary commitment, he was sent to a state hospital and there he got down on his knees and asked Jesus to save him. He knew his life had a purpose and at 26 years old he knew he could not continue the road he was on for it was torment daily and he couldn't sleep due to the demons that tormented him. I could not see him but for an hour a week and each time for visitation, it was required all visitors be there for 2 hours to take a mandatory class prior to the hour visitation. Sadly out of hundreds of patients only 2 visitors came to see a patient, I included. Very sad for it was coming upon Easter and many patients looked out of the windows through the bars to see if anyone would come visit them.
One man I had never met showed up for Easter to visit the son of one of his friends that could not be there and since it was Easter, this man came to visit seine he never met and to minister to him and encourage and lead him down the path to Jesus. This my friends, takes a sacrifice to give your to give up your Easter Day to spend it with someone you don't know but care enough about the persons heart and soul to be there. This man also not only ministered to this young man he came to see but also to my oldest son. That my friends is a servant's heart!
God sends the people we need at the right time to help us. God has placed you here for a purpose. Ask God to help you fulfill your purpose and He will. God is looking for men and women that He can use to reach others.
Wave of Humility
It has been a long time since I posted and it has been a Christian battlefield out here and not a Christian playground. I've seen many be led astray and in the clutches of the enemy. Heartbreak, pain, addiction, arrogance, greed and manipulation and people blaspheming our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Much wisdom and discernment have I received from our Father and one prophecy He spoke very strongly to me the other night was this:
"I am going to send a wave of humility to blow across this nation for many eyes will be opened and some will even still reject me, but continue moving forward for I will stir the hearts of the greedy and arrogant that believe their possessions are their own god and they will see I am the Lord thy God."
As I write this I wanted to let people know that God may be ministering to you through other people. Just listen and be mindful of God's Word and hid it in your heart everyday. Remember to look at the fruits that one produces. Ask God to give you wisdom, knowledge and strength.
Allow God to breathe into you and restore your heart and soul. There is nothing so bad that can separate you from God's love. It's not too late today to give your life to Christ.
"I am going to send a wave of humility to blow across this nation for many eyes will be opened and some will even still reject me, but continue moving forward for I will stir the hearts of the greedy and arrogant that believe their possessions are their own god and they will see I am the Lord thy God."
As I write this I wanted to let people know that God may be ministering to you through other people. Just listen and be mindful of God's Word and hid it in your heart everyday. Remember to look at the fruits that one produces. Ask God to give you wisdom, knowledge and strength.
Allow God to breathe into you and restore your heart and soul. There is nothing so bad that can separate you from God's love. It's not too late today to give your life to Christ.
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